Comfort Mode

I have gone into Comfort Mode this week. It's a state of being when I just focus on taking care of myself and make life as easy as possible. Rules about eating, scheduling, and household expectations are set aside so that bigger things can receive attention.

Smiling on the outside, but strained on the inside.
Life as a NICU mom, living in Comfort Mode.

I remember going into Comfort Mode after each of my children were born. They were both premature and had to stay in the NICU. I didn't care about anything else except my availability to my children. I took naps, I ate food I didn't normally eat, and I certainly didn't bother cleaning the house. I remember feeling almost zombie-esque; just floating through my days, walking around, but not really present.

Emotionally speaking, this past week has felt a lot like when my kids were in the NICU. I feel like I have spent all of my energy dealing with issues that seem bigger than me at the moment. It's been a while since I've been tested like this. I know there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, but right now, it seems like it's only a pinpoint in size.

Without going into too much detail, Corey and I saw a family counselor on Tuesday of this week. The wounds and grief from his mother's passing have bubbled under the surface long enough, and the time came to bring everything out and lay it on the table. For those of you who have not experienced therapy sessions, it is exhausting work. I personally feel like I missed a night of sleep after working though such enormous emotional issues.

Then, going home and doing our "homework" for therapy allowed me no break to recuperate and regain my emotional strength. After two days of homework,  we were hit with yet another curve ball.
I went to pay the rent on Wednesday, the day after we started our family therapy, and informed our rental company of some water that looked like it was coming from under the shower. We noticed it the night before,but as it turned out, it was a much bigger issue than a leaky shower. A line from the water heater had apparently been leaking for a while, and it was only just now noticeable. As a result, there is water damage that needed immediate attention.

On Thursday, after a plumber inspected the situation, he determined that a home restoration specialist would be needed. The vanity in the master bathroom needed to be torn out in order to reach the problem area. In order for that to happen, there needed to be asbestos testing because of the age of our house. To be safe, the rental company gave us a place to stay so that the children would not be exposed if there were any health concerns.

While I am grateful for a place to stay and a healthy family, moving out of our house suddenly after the emotionally trying week I already had seemed like the icing a very bitter cake. I physically had no energy left. I had no penitence left. I felt strained, like I couldn't keep going. But I had to.

Oh yeah, this all happened the day before Picture Day at school. Thankfully I had enough wits about me to remember to pack his Picture Day outfit.

After our second night in the vacation home we are inhabiting temporarily, I am starting to feel like I am regaining some sort of footing. I don't feel like I've been run over by a truck, I'm not exhausted, I'm not short-tempered. We found out that this relocation will be anywhere from 2 weeks to a month, so I may as well get comfortable. Having a hot tub to soak in at the complex definitely will help with that.

Burger King (twice this week)- $15.00
Bottle of Bogle Ancient Vine- $10.00
2 Fiji Waters and Chocolove Salted Almond bar at Natural Grocers- $5.00
Sprite and two Lay's Potato Chip bags at Circle K- $3.00
Coca-Cola at Circle K- $1.00

Balance this Pay Cycle- $62.00

Happy Spending!