I felt very uninspired by my recent purchases. Feeling a sense of loss over Dad's departure, as well as officially saying goodbye to our old house, I wanted to do anything but write about it. Who wants to hear about my Arby's purchase before dad got on the plane? Not me. And our dinner that last night he was here was the first time I remember Lily screaming in a restaurant. She was beyond manageable. It was not a night I look back on fondly. I left the tip, and dad picked up the check.
I know myself well enough that I planned for this feeling ahead of time. I went straight to Safeway after I dropped him off at the airport and bought a six pack of Cinnamon Angry Orchard Hard Cider. There was also a brick of Queso Blanco Velveta on clearance, and I decided as a backup, cheese dip would do just fine. I knew that Dad's leaving was not only the last of my distractions for how I really felt about selling our house, but it was also the departure of a visitor, which always puts me down in the dumps for at least 24 hours. I figured that just one hard cider would help take the edge off...and it did.
Some would say pray and feel better, others would say do yoga, or take a walk. Others might tell me to play some of my favorite music, or spend some time in a favorite place. None of these could fill the void of a double loss. (and I wasn't going to use the hard cider for that, either.) It helped a little bit, but for some things, I have to call in the heavy artillery.
For the past 2 weeks, I had been busy and distracted from my feelings about moving because I spent my time "being useful". I was the one who had to let in the painters, I was the one who had to run back to pay the cleaners, I was the one on whom getting the house ready for sale was dependant. I felt important. I felt like I had a purpose. Now that we are down to managing just one house, the busy usefulness is gone. Enter Dad.
Dad was here for the past week, and that meant companionship. I had another adult to talk to during the day. I could process a little bit my feelings about what it meant to me to sell our exquisite abode and move to a place with fake wood linoleum on the floors. But now that he's gone, the raw wound of moving has had the band-aid ripped off, and it's exposed.
Add on top of that the frustration of finding out that after calling our power service and "opting out" of getting a smart meter installed, only to discover that they put one on anyway, I was at my emotional boiling point this morning. And if that wasn't enough for my nervous system to handle, the city started work on the sewer lines on our street. I ran to the bathroom after getting off the phone with APS to complain about the smart meter only to find my toilets and showers explosively gurgling all over the bathroom floors!
I haven't felt this stressed out in months, folks. I am usually a "take things in stride" kinda gal, but all of this lumped together was just too much for me. Corey and I actually argued last night. We rarely argue, ever. But my nerves were shot. So throwing these "utility" issues on top of that, and this gal needed to just get out, and use that heavy artillery I was talking about...
I was heading down 89A towards McDonald's. I was determined to feel better. I don't usually stress eat, but then again, I have never sold a house, either. As I passed the first block after turning onto the highway, I passed Picazzo's on the left. I had a dream about their gluten free chocolate chip skillet cookie with organic vanilla ice cream, but quickly dismissed it. I just wanted a cheap fix, and McDonald's had that. I pulled into Micky D's and sighed. "Niccole is going to read this," I thought. "I should go and see her, and just spend the money on a cookie. I'll feel so much better about stress eating if it's gluten free and organic, right?"
What really made me feel better wasn't downing the entire cookie and two scoops of ice cream. It was the unloading of my feelings and frustrations to my best friend. The guy whose section I was sitting in even gave Niccole my table just so she could be my server and we could talk more. (Thank you, EZ.) In the end, a compassionate listening ear is far better therapy than sugar, or beer, or anything else. I needed to be reminded of that.
At the end of my dessert devouring, I declared, "$10 Fun Dollars well spent." She asked me, "Are you going to write about this?" I smiled, "Oh yes." It's just what I needed to feel inspired again.
Angry Orchard Cinnful Apple Cider and Cheese dip at Safeway- $16.00
Arby's before dad's flight-$10.00
Tip at Szechuan on Dad's last night visiting- $10.00
Gluten free chocolate chip cookie with organic vanilla ice cream at Picazzo's-$10.00
Balance this pay cycle- $37.00
P.S. We are back up to $100.00 this pay cycle. We decided it was worth it to be controlled and successful with our budget.